The upside of midlife orthodontia (first published in More magazine September 2010<\/p>\n
For years, I\u2019d toyed with the idea of getting braces. One front tooth bucks just enough to hang out over my lip, and my lower teeth resemble squished subway commuters fighting it out at rush hour.
\nSo recently I made an appointment with the most handsome man I\u2019ve ever met: my orthodontist. Buoyed by the prospect of seeing him for numerous appointments, the thought of my jazzy new plastic braces and, oh yeah, straighter teeth, I signed up and got braced up. I also forked over the equivalent of half the cost of my parents\u2019 first house. Like an eighth grader, I wanted to show off my new gear. \u201cYou\u2019re getting them now?\u201d inquired one Nosy Parker. To her, I guess mouth rehab made no sense at my advanced age (of 56!). The braces are invisible, which is nice, but I have to take them off to eat, which is not. Not only do I nearly extract my teeth and risk dislodging a large collection of heirloom silver fillings in the process, but then I have to floss, brush my teeth and the braces before reinserting them. Feel like a cookie? I think not.
\nExasperated by the ordeal, I phoned my supportive yet-always-looked-at-my-teeth-funny boyfriend.
\n\u201cI\u2019m thtarting to resthent you.\u201d
\nTrying to console me as only a man can, he uttered these fatal words: \u201cI know it\u2019s hard, but I just want to thank you for making yourself pretty for me.\u201d
\n\u201cThuck you,\u201d I replied. \u201cI don\u2019t make mythelf pretty for any guy. I hate you. I hate my brathes. I can\u2019t even eat anymore.\u201d
\nObviously, I felt less sexy. With these weird little attachment thingies my orthodontist recently put on
\neither side of my mouth, I looked alarmingly like that guy Jaws in Moonraker.
\nI consulted my friends at the gym, where every conversation leads to sex.
\n\u201cI wonder what kinds of things you can do with those on?\u201d leered a firefighter.
\n\u201cThese babies would shred a carrot,\u201d I answered dryly as he backed away.
\nI was beginning to have serious doubts about what I\u2019d done. I felt as though I\u2019d sentenced my teeth to a synthetic jail for the next year and a half. Fourteen-year-olds usually don\u2019t get a say in the whole braces thing, but here I\u2019d willingly made myself look like a 14-year-old \u2014 and not in a good way. What was next? Zits? A curfew? Homework?
\nThen everything changed. About two weeks into my self-inflicted 78-week sentence, I noticed I\u2019d lost three pounds. Suddenly, it stopped being about the braces, the insults, my boyfriend\u2019s insensitivity, lithping and cookie withdrawal. I\u2019d discovered a truly\u00a0 plastic surgery \u2014 one that would both straighten my teeth and give me back my waistline (unfortunately, it still would not create volume for my hair, but you can\u2019t have everything).
\nNow I knew the future was clear and it was plastic. I just hadn\u2019t been able to see it for the teeth.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The upside of midlife orthodontia (first published in More magazine September 2010 For years, I\u2019d toyed with the idea of getting braces. One front tooth bucks just enough to hang out over my lip, and my lower teeth resemble squished subway commuters fighting it out at rush hour. So recently I made an appointment with […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":68,"menu_order":1,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-333","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/georgiebinks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/333","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/georgiebinks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/georgiebinks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/georgiebinks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/georgiebinks.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=333"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/georgiebinks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/333\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":336,"href":"https:\/\/georgiebinks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/333\/revisions\/336"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/georgiebinks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/68"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/georgiebinks.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=333"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}